Last week's edition of "The Amazing Race" made Utah look just beautiful and the Weavers look downright ugly.
Accurate portrayals on both ends of that equation, I submit.
Just to recap, the Weavers — Linda and her three children (Rebecca, 19; Rachel, 16; and Rolly, 14) — have made themselves The Family You Love to Hate during the current "Family Edition" of "The Amazing Race" (tonight at 8 on CBS/Ch. 2).
Despite the fact that they're always telling everybody how wonderful and Christian they are, their behavior belies their words. They're rude, insulting, mocking and obnoxious. Linda complains about how her opponents are "downright rude," at the same time calling them "idiots." Rolly yells mocking comments at bicycle riders they pass (who aren't involved in the show in any way).
That, on top of the self-righteousness, has alienated them from all the other teams on the show.
"We're already the last nice family and we're gone," Rachel said in last week's episode — taped months earlier — when they thought they were about to be eliminated. "The people who win will probably spend (the million-dollar prize) on a new nose and bigger (breasts)."
Oh, how nice. How Christian.
And the Weavers are completely and utterly blind to the fact that they've brought all of this on themselves. "I don't get it," Linda Weaver said. "Most people like us. I've never been in this situation where we've been unliked (sic) in my life."
If it were just that the Weavers couldn't get along with one of the other teams, it would be one thing. There have been "Amazing Race" teams that haven't gotten along before. But the Weavers haven't been able to get along with any of the other teams. Which ought to tell them something. (Or they could just check out the messages posted on various "Amazing Race" Web sites, where they've become among the most unpopular reality-show contestants ever.)
Almost all of last week's episode took place in Utah, with the four remaining teams racing from Arizona to Monument Valley to Moab to Heber City to Park City and, finally, to Salt Lake City. And, along the way, they passed some of the most spectacular scenery in the country.
Not that it made a favorable impression on the Weavers.
"I am not digging Utah right now," Rebecca said.
"Whoever says the world is getting over-populated needs to come to Utah," Rachel said.
"It's like hundreds of thousands of miles of nothing at all," Rolly added. "God must've spent a little less time on this state."
And then all four Weavers — good Christians that they are — laughed and laughed. As they did later, when Rolly looked at some of that gorgeous scenery and said it "looks like a little pimple in the mountains."
Even setting aside the fact that they were saying this about some pretty spectacular scenery, the fact is that they were saying it on camera, knowing that it would be seen by millions of people on national television.
Yes, it was mean, but you couldn't help but sympathize when a member of the competing Linz family referred to the Weavers as "the Wicked Witch of the East and her three little monkeys. . . . Someone's going to come and drop a house on her head."
It's not exactly an excuse, but perhaps the Weavers have just led such sheltered lives in Florida they're unprepared for exotic lands like Utah. (Linda did, after all, tell her children in a previous episode that Louisiana's Lake Pontchartrain is one of the Great Lakes.)
"I've never even heard one thing about Utah," Rachel said.
"I have," Linda piped up. "Mormons live here."
"For real?" Rachel said with a huge gasp.
"No wonder it's so ugly," Rebecca said.
Hmmmm . . . sounds like a little religious bigotry to me. How Christian.
It didn't stop there. Struggling through a challenge that had them riding bikes through some relatively tough terrain, Rebecca exclaimed, "I hate Utah! I hate it with a passion! If anyone says, 'I'm from Utah,' I'm going to say, 'I am so sorry.' "
Which prompted my teenage son to say, "You hate Utah? Well, Utah hates you."
Well, only the Utahns who saw the show.
The bad news is that, although the Weavers managed to stumble and bumble their way into a last-place finish last week, it was a non-elimination round, meaning they're still in the race this week. The good news is that, as per the rules of the show, they have zero money and will have to beg from the good citizens of Salt Lake City as tonight's episode begins.
That could be fun to watch.
As I've written before, this "Family Edition" of "Amazing Race" is by far my least favorite. None of the families really seemed worth rooting for and the competition has been watered down to something less than scintillating to accommodate the family element.
But now, I'm completely caught up in it — only because I'm so desperately hoping the Weavers will be eliminated. And that was true before they stepped foot in Utah.
It's like having a whole family of J.R. Ewings to root against.
QUOTABLE: The Weavers were so worried about trailing in last week's episode that they stopped to get fast food as they, um, raced toward Park City. And Linda offered these words of wisdom:
"Whenever you get sad, you just have to eat ice cream," she said. "it re-vigorates (sic) and in-juvenates (sic) you."
I am not making this up.
E-mail: pierce@desnews.com