The notion of grandparents being able to visit with their grandchildren sounds harmless enough, but the tug-of-war over children has given rise to multiple court rulings across the country that are at odds with each other.
A recent California Supreme Court decision involving a Utah mother has muddled the issue even more.
In the finding reached recently, justices overturned a lower ruling that said court-ordered visitation rights for grandparents are an unconstitutional infringement on parents' right to raise children as they deem fit. The ruling sent the dispute back to a district court judge to determine whether visitation is possible.
Utah attorneys who specialize in family law say the ruling underscores the contentious nature of the issue, which won't go away as long as families don't get along.
"At first blush, everyone thinks grandparents' visitation rights is a great idea," said attorney Ellen Maycock. "But it can turn into a pretty destructive fight."
Utah's law on the visitation rights of grandparents was changed in 2002, establishing an avenue for them to challenge the "presumption" that a parent's decision on grandparents' visitation is in the grandchild's best interest.
Under the statute, grandparents have to prove they are fit and proper, visitation has been denied or unreasonably limited, and there has been a substantial relationship — like the role of a caregiver.
Additionally, the law imposes the requirement that the grandparent's own child is either the non-custodial parent because of divorce, has been missing for an extended period of time or is dead.
Attorney Bruce Reading met that requirement in a case he brought before 3rd District Court. A young girl's maternal grandparents, who had cared for the child for years, at first sought custody after their daughter died. (The father had a track record of being absent.) After the court denied that request, they asked for visitation.
"This child really looked on her maternal grandparents as part of her primary caregivers, along with her mother. The father rarely visited," Reading said.
Reading said the dispute over visitation has had a profound effect on the child.
"She has not only lost her mom, but she lost her grandmother and lost her grandfather," he said. "It is not just one death, but multiple deaths this little girl has had to deal with."
Reading obtained a ruling from 3rd District Court that allows the grandparents to have visitation with the granddaughter every fifth weekend in Florida, where the father moved, as well as one week during the summer in Utah.
The ruling still does little good at this point because Reading said the father has "thumbed his nose" at the court.
"His first perception is he is the father and should have ultimate say on who visits his child," Reading said. "And he believes that these grandparents are unfit."
Courts across the country, including the U.S. Supreme Court, have traditionally given deference to a parent's decision regarding their child's contact with other relatives.
"Most parents don't want to keep kids from having a positive interaction with their grandparents," said attorney Paige Bigelow, "but it isn't always that simple."
Courts have been reluctant to "order" visitation for grandparents in many instances because it complicates an already complicated schedule.
When a custodial parent has to relinquish every other weekend for the other parent, where do the grandparents fit in?
"Even if the grandchildren were court-ordered to see the best grandparent, the cookie baker with the apron, what does that do to schedules? It prevents soccer practice, summer camp and everything else," Maycock said. "It can get intrusive."
The courts also have deemed it is not possible for a non-custodial parent to "delegate" visitation rights.
In another Utah case, an active-duty military man whose marriage fell apart wants his parents to be able to see his infant in his absence. It remains an issue that no one can agree on, one attorney said.
The constitutional rights of parents to "parent" are held so firm by courts that it presents a tough challenge for grandparents, Bigelow said:
"Bad mom leaves the child with grandma for months and months. Bad mom returns and threatens to take the kid unless she gets money for her drugs or whatever. It is an ugly situation, but it happens quite frequently."
While a parent may have a sound reason for denying grandparents' visitation, the disputes can boil down to petty family differences.
And even though these battles pit adults against adults, Reading said it is the children who ultimately suffer.
"This little girl not only had her mom die, but she's lost her grandparents — lost it all and the dad doesn't get it," he said. "The loser here is the little girl and her grandparents. A kid can never have too much love."
E-mail: amyjoi@desnews.com