I grew increasingly worried as I watched "Monday Night Football" this week.
It was late in the game between the Cleveland Browns and Philadelphia Eagles, and the announcers still hadn't mentioned Brett Favre's name.
How could this be?
Yeah, I know that Favre wasn't playing in this particular game — he was hundreds of miles away — but that never stopped them before.
There must be SOME way to work his name into the broadcast. Do what you always do, I implored the guys in the booth; connect some dots. The Eagles wear green jerseys — and so does Brett Favre!!!
But, no, they didn't mention that one.
The game wore on and still no mention of Favre.
It was cold and rainy on the field — just like Green Bay this time of year — where Brett Favre used to play!!! They could have talked about how Brett Favre is a mudder.
They didn't go there. The game went on, the minutes ticking away. What is going on? In the TV booth, all subjects can and usually do lead to Brett Favre. Their motto: When in doubt, give 'em Favre.
Andy Reid, the Philadelphia coach, served on the Packers' coaching staff a decade ago — and coached Brett Favre while he was there!!! Talk about an opening!
They missed that one, too.
Then it happened. Someone — I think it was the guy they call "Jaws," aka Ron Jaworski — who finally mentioned the F-word to Tony Kornheiser, the co-chairman of the Brett Favre Fan Club along with John Madden. He noted that perhaps the Eagles' longtime quarterback, Donovan McNabb, might get phased out in favor of his younger heir apparent, Kevin Kolb — the same way BRETT FAVRE HAD BEEN KICKED OUT THE DOOR BY THE PACKERS IN FAVOR OF AARON RODGERS!!!
They did it. I knew they'd come through.
Hey, kids, want to learn how to be a big-time TV announcer like Madden and Kornheiser and the rest of them?! The first thing you've got to learn is how to work Favre into every conversation, just like the big boys. Not that they're obsessed or anything.
Last month, during a game between the Packers and Saints, one fan kept track of how many times Kornheiser mentioned Favre's name compared to other players and posted it on the Internet. The final tally: Brett Favre 18, Aaron Rodgers 16, Drew Brees 9. Which was curious since Favre DID NOT PLAY IN THAT GAME and Rodgers and Brees did. The fan also noted that late in the first half Kornheiser mentioned Favre's name six times in one minute, which is probably not even a record in the TV booth but a good effort nonetheless.
Kornheiser himself confessed that he mentioned Favre's name so much during that game that broadcasting partner Mike Tirico "had to put a moratorium on me."
It's not as difficult as it sounds to find a way to mention Favre's name continually. You learn quickly that all subjects can lead to Brett Favre.
Here, let's try a few random subjects and see how Madden, Kornheiser, Chris Berman and the rest of them would work Brett Favre into the commentary:
Tirico: "Reggie Bush showed some nice moves on that play."
Kornheiser: "He looked like President Bush dodging the shoes that the Iraqi reporter threw at him during the press conference. You know, he's lucky that Brett Favre didn't throw those shoes because they would have hit the president in the forehead. By the way, if Favre had been one of Bush's Secret Service agents, the Iraqi gets sacked before he gets off that second shoe. And if Favre had been the president, he would have caught those shoes and returned fire without missing a beat in his speech."
Tirico: "There are not enough black coaches in the NFL."
Kornheiser: "That's right. And Brett Favre would make a good coach — he knows some black coaches."
Tirico: "The economy is in free fall, and you wonder if it's going to affect professional sports."
Madden: "If Brett Favre were in charge, he'd be drawing a play in the dirt to fix the economy, in his real comfortable Wranglers."
Tirico: "Tony Romo threw a nice pass on that play."
Kornheiser: "It would have been better if Favre had thrown it. In fact, this game would be a lot better if Favre were out there. From now on, they should call the NFL what it really is — the National Favre League."
Tirico: "It's starting to rain."
Madden: "Maybe Favre will make it stop."
E-mail: drob@desnews.com