WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS — * — Ashton Kutcher, Cameron Diaz, Rob Corddry; rated PG-13 (vulgarity, sex, profanity, violence, drugs, slurs);
"What Happens in Vegas" should have stayed in Vegas.
Or better still, it should have remained unreleased, on the studio shelf, which is what should happen normally when films are this bad.
Despite the presence of some likable, funny people, it's a painfully unfunny romantic comedy that makes you dislike those same people intensely.
And if a film this awful can be released so early in the summer movie season, what does that mean for the month of August, which is when the "dog" films are supposed to be released?
One of the movie's major problems is the chemistry-free pairing of Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz. They star as Jack Fuller and Joy McNally, a pair of New Yorkers who wind up in Las Vegas on the same weekend.
He's just been fired from his latest job — by his father (Treat Williams), no less. She's just been dumped by her fiance (Jason Sudeikis) during a surprise birthday party for him that she planned.
Needless to say, these two strangers are looking for some fun but wind up getting an alcohol-fueled quickie marriage instead. Oh, and they also get lucky on a Vegas slot machine, winning $3 million in the process.
Rather than celebrating, though, these squabbling newlyweds try to get a quickie divorce. But a tough-minded judge (Dennis Miller) forces them to stay together for a six-month trial period before they can collect their winnings.
Director Tom Vaughan's pacing is lackluster, and the camera lingers too long after each painful, supposed joke and punchline.
Since they were more than certainly paid handsomely to star in the film, you can understand the participation of Kutcher and Diaz.
But what are Treat Williams, Dennis Farina and Queen Latifah — who appear as Jack's father, Joy's boss and a marriage counselor, respectively — doing slumming in this mess?
"What Happens in Vegas" is rated PG-13 for crude humor and references (both sexual and scatological) as well as some vulgar gestures, simulated sex and other sexual contact, occasional profanity, supposedly comic violence (mostly pratfalls and other slapstick), drug content and references (food additives and marijuana), and derogatory slurs. Running time: 98 minutes.
E-mail: jeff@desnews.com