Growing up, my family used to begin family home evening with a song, proceed to fight about our schedules for the upcoming week for 20 minutes, and then close with a prayer. We never quite caught the vision of the weekly night that LDS Church leaders encourage families to spend together.
Now as a mother, I find myself in charge of corralling the troops for our weekly night together, and I have learned a lot along the way about what family home evening should and shouldn’t be.
But, I’m still learning. So I loved Elder Richard G. Scott’s talk during the recent general conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in which he described family home evening as a weekly tool to "strengthen your family and cultivate peace.”
He said, “Family home evening is a precious time to bear testimony in a safe environment; to learn teaching, planning and organizational skills; to strengthen family bonds; to develop family traditions; to talk to each other; and more important, to have a marvelous time together!”
I love that he says the most important thing is to enjoy your time together. The main thing a family night should be is simply a reserved time for the family to be together.
Here’s what I have learned are the keys to family home evening success in our home.
Family home evening is not a planning meeting. This was my family’s main mistake growing up. We used our time together to discuss the logistics of rides, meetings and activities. We all dreaded this weekly planning session that was no fun for anyone. To make sure family home evening remains a positive experience, my husband and I hold a separate planning meeting with our kids. At this family council, we discuss any problems anyone is having, talk about our plans for the week and reflect on what we accomplished the week before.
Simple is best. Although Elder Scott cautions us not to make family night “an afterthought of a busy day,” I don’t think this means the night has to include an elaborate lesson, time-intensive activity and coordinating themed treat. (Although if that’s your thing, go for it!) Our best family home evenings are the ones where the children teach a simple lesson and bear their testimonies and then we play a game together.
If they learn something, great. If not, that’s fine, too. Sometimes I get caught up in trying to teach my children a lesson during family night. One recent Monday night, for example, I was so excited as we played “Prophet Bingo” and my girls were clearly learning the names and faces of the prophets. Mother of the year! Best family home evening ever! Then, at the end, I asked my girls what they had learned about through the game. In unison, they shouted, “The Presidents of the United States of America!”
So even though the lesson didn’t quite sink in, we still had fun together. And really, that is the key to family home evening. The sheer act of being together is more important than gospel lessons or picture-perfect activities as we create memories and a lifelong ritual. As my children grow into teenagers, I know these Monday nights together will be even more precious.
How do you make the most of your family home evenings?
Erin Stewart is a regular blogger for Deseret News. From stretch marks to the latest news for moms, she discusses it all while her 7-year-old and 3-year-old daughters dive-bomb off the couch behind her.